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Tuesday, 15 October 2013

AMS Stories:I'm a woman but I practice abstinence some people said I’m crazy to think this plan might work?

I'm a 30-something year old woman, and I can openly identify myself as a born again Christian, a woman of substances and God fearing. So I never thought I would hear myself say this: I have been seriously practicing abstinence before marriage for some years now.

Recently, I met a guy who told me that waiting until marriage is a little bit extreme (I wouldn't want to get married to someone before I have sex with her, that could turn out into a not so fun surprise) because it can push one getting married a bit faster than you should. However, waiting until you know someone enough is fine.

To my wildest surprise this guy is a Christian and goes to one of those popular churches in town and he is also a worker in the church. He said “Sex is good and is better for my mental health. Knowing that I am sexually compatible with a woman before signing that paper is important to me” He also said holding off on getting physical is ok while casual dating is one thing, being totally abstinent before marriage is ridiculous. Hmmm

Condensed backstory: over the past couple of years, when I was not yet a born-again Christian. I’ve had a few fleshly relationships, each in the context of dating relationship. I approached love making as a dream of  having fun with my boyfriend (s) … and fun ensued… but, in time, that immoral sexual connection also opened up feelings of emotional depth and commitment, which weren't really necessary by the reality of the relationship.

(Not to say that these guys weren't committed to me at all... but we still had a lot to learn about each other.) And then the breakups of these relationships, though I knew they were for the best, during the breakups I felt damaged… way worse than my breakup with a man I was never intimate with (and who is the only ex I can genuinely see as a friend today).

Then, I don't blame past love making for my relationship complications. I think the problem is that I have been using love making as a shortcut to intimacy and trust. According to my own experiences, copulation is not a necessary tool to prove that a guy is going to marry you or take you to the altar. And for that reason, I thought practicing abstinence might help me to set healthier restrictions.

Considering what the bible says about our body being the temple of the Holy Spirit, I’ve been respecting myself, knowing that sex would be off the table throughout any dating process. I guess abstinence could help some single ladies out there depending on your believes, to feel more comfortable with dating and at the same time really take your time getting to know a guy … and it might protect you from some of the pain of breakups, contacting disease, unwanted pregnancy and this video below.

God is the creator of love making. Part of his purpose in creating love making was for our pleasure. But God also set limits for the enjoyment of copulation for our  own protection. When we go outside those boundaries, we enter into sexual sin. Let us look at some of the example in the Scriptures to know how God felt about sexual immorality.  1 Thessalonians 4:3–7 stated that God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honour—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.

Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. (NLT). And Ephesians 5:3  stated that Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. (NLT).

Yes, I agreed no one can overcome this nature, except by the power that is in the Blood of Jesus Christ. I am not self- righteous but we can all respect ourselves.  Well, some people may say, what nonsense she has done it before but the bible say if a man is in Christ he/she is now a new creature. … Please this is not the time to condemn but to reason together……

Hebrews 13:4 highlighted that marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled. Marriage was designed to deposit unique honour on man and woman. Yet from Hebrews 13:4, we see that God attaches a condition for honour; the bed must be undefiled. Sexual immorality is what defiles marriage bed. Whether you are married or not, engaging in sexual relationship is deeper than what meets the eyes. Blood covenant is involved.

The advantage of a strong faith in God is that it keeps us highly principled in the face of adversity. Marital happiness is, or should be, more about shared goals, dreams and temperament than anything else. Intercourse after marriage would then eventually become very good under these circumstances because the mind is the most important sex organ... and when there is a will there is a way.

That's why when we pray as a Christian believer God revealed people to us the way that they are. I know we can’t make mistakes if we truly lay our foundation on a solid rock who’s Jesus Christ our Lord and personal saviour. I'm not advertising Jesus Christ but building a relationship with him first is paramount.
And to clarify please ladies don’t talk about sex with the people you about to date …   I just think it might be best for you, personally, not to share that part of yourself until you know that you are with someone for better for worst.
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What Do You Think ASB READERS?





  1. Hmmmmmm God help us all to do and follow his words

  2. relationship complications hmmm

  3. sex is good and better for mental heath lol

  4. Yes God is the creator of procreation

  5. God will help us all and make us to understand the reason why abstinence is the best for all singles...

  6. I understand if some people said you naïve because of what is going on in our society now. No sex no ring lol

  7. Anyone who is asking you for sex has done that from others and have most probalbly had sex with them, and have left them. If you allow him, he would leave you too. Once a man you are not married to sees your nakedness, you have devalued yourself before him. Every sex experience with that person is a minus to your worth before him. Many ladies think otherwise. They think if they can allow a man to see their nakeness and lie with them, then the man would love them more. But such ladies cry sooner or later.

  8. The GOD Almighty created sex that specified its correct use. When you do not use a good thing at the right time in the right way, it becomes an abuse - abnormal use. Every abuse of even good midicines leads to regret. If abstinence is regarded by some people as 'extreme', so be it. The normal Christianity is the 'extreme Christianity'. All the disciples of Christ who impacted history were 'extreme'. Jesus Himself was 'extreme'. That was why He was actually crucified. The extreme Christianity is the one that is the conscience to a sinful and amoral world.