I was on the phone with this guy, when my housemate came in and I just hung up. I met him through a friend of a family friend and my first instinct was telling me “Just delete his number girl”. As strange as it seems, my first thought was “well Wumi met her husband Tunde through friends”…so I tried to be open minded. Not that I had plans to marry this guy or anything…
But over the next few weeks I was bombarded with messages like “I would like to see you and I would really love to know you better”. That’s fine and cool, but instead of asking me out on a date the guy was trying to lure me to his house. Yes, I understand that some men have that one free date rule, meaning he won’t spend money until he realizes the girl is worth it, but heaven knows, I would have went Dutch in exchange for my dignity.
The other night I said to him “I don’t know what type of women you are used to dating but I met you through a friend. And you gave me a name that wasn’t your real name but Nickname. What makes you think I’m going to come to your house for weekend”? Why bother….
I remember I used to live life on the edge for years, especially when I was in Polytechnic (College). I remember meeting this guy at a party in Ondo State Nigeria during the Ekimogun festival and on our first date, we travel to another State up West, speeding like there is no tomorrow to Ekiti in Nigeria (five hours from where I lived in Ibadan) in a big Mercedes Benz with tinted windows to attend another party. We ended up on a high speed chase from the police later that night. When I got back to campus I changed my number but this guy showed up at my school looking for me and called all of my friends phones to see if they had seen me.
As if I didn’t learn my lesson, years later, my first outing with another guy was a trip to Abeokuta from Ibadan and the guy was speeding like mad. Thank God I made it home safe but are you surprised that I didn’t know these guys last names nor his friends name and where they lived? I have stories I could write a book about….but that was the past.
All of that came to a halt, the day some girls in my hostel where waylaid and gang raped when they were coming back from a party, it was really sad that one of them was murdered. It was two weeks after I left home for first year second semester. I quickly parked my things, left the campus that day; I was shocked and I cried my eyes out. The following Sunday I ran to church and rededicated my life to God. Those guys were eventually caught and charged to court but the deed has been done. The girl is gone and the rest will always experience trauma.
From that point I started dealing with Paranoia. Even after I came to England, every guy I met had to be Google able (if that’s a word) and I had to know his friends and the company he kept. Where he worked, what he does, and a few dates to examine his character.
It didn’t help that a few months back my friend called me from Nigeria crying and told me her world had been flipped upside down. Apparently, the police called her while she was at work and told her to come home. She stays in a three bedroom bungalow house with some of her co-worker in Lagos and work in a bank. When she did, they notified her that they had to dig up her rented backyard. Sure enough they found what they were looking for, the body of a girl that was murdered by her boyfriend (not my friend's boyfriend but the landlord son) a few years back. He buried her in his mom’s backyard and rent the house to my friend… smh…
I say all this to say, we really need to be careful of who we date, who we let into our homes and who we let into our lives. All it takes for me is one date to see the possible warning signs. Every time you turn on the 10 o’clock news you find out how real it is out there. Thank God for the mercy of God upon my life. What if I had accident on one of those trips? How will my family find me? Are people that crazy for love?