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Saturday, 7 June 2014

AMS true life Story - Could Life Get any Worse? First my mother, father, and then brother.… Only God could get me through these pains. Above all I thank God!




  My life has been filled with many love ones that cared for me and have passed. I remember them and wonder who can be good and where does good come from? God revealed his majesty and great power in my life as I sat alone needing answers. God is good and we all need to taste His goodness.

  I grew up knowing how sad it is to lose a family member. And when I found out my auntie was not my mother, my life fell apart as a child. I started living in my own little dark world nursing my pains by being distant from everybody in my family. I felt betrayed by my mother but little do I know that she died of Lymphoma cancer and TB. I was told my mother fought so hard, but at the end she didn't want to fight any more.

  My mother cancer had reached her lung, stomach and started eating the baby inside her womb and the doctors only gave her few weeks to live and turned out to be few months.  I was born in the month of February but she died in the month of October, A week after our firstborn 15th birthday, my mother passed away.

  One thing I know and realized is that, it’s not easy to move on when you lost your mother as a baby, especially when you are a female, the society will push you to the wall and your bottom will hit the rock. People will mislead you and use you, abuse you and bullied you.

  My eldest sister was left with responsibilities of becoming a mother to a one year and eight month old baby and still taking care of other four siblings. It was a great responsibility on her shoulder, she feels a pain within her that she has never ever felt before, and it’s almost like she was sinking down a deep black hole even though my father was there to support her. Her world turns upside down and she was never the same again because she had to sacrifice so many things like education, in order to take care of us…….


  The pain of losing my mother cut so deep into my father’s heart and he was really devastated.  My father once told me that his life was not complete anymore because since my mother’s death something was missing inside of him and that he had lost a part of his body and soul.  My Father re- married but it only lasted four years because he finds it difficult to love any other woman. I believe my father share a special bond with my mother, just like how parents and their children or siblings share special bond of love. When that bond is broken because of death, a little part of us dies too.

  According to my eldest sister, she knew in her heart and soul that she must continue to sacrifice her life for us no matter how hard it is, because that is what our mother would wanted her to do. 

  We all cope with death and grief in different ways. Some of us hide our feelings and stop talking about it; others get angry and some of us isolate ourselves. I think it’s important that we give ourselves permission to grieve, talk about it and accept it.  My sister was unable to grieve, she fell apart, the tasks were too big, the pain was too much and she kept it inside. I am sure she is still grieving after 32 years and I pray that GOD in his infinite mercy will mend her broken heart soon. 

  If I could measure the loss of not having a mother, I would not have enough space or time to be contented. However, what I am doing with this story right now is to let everyone know how much more love, friendship and act of thanksgiving can heal your past, present and any wound you might come across.

  It has been 17 years since my father's passed on. Nothing hits me like the loss of my Dad. My father rocks my planet, the very ground I stand on. I never thought I could live a day without him. I have realized that ‘death’ is a brief separation and a temporary pain. I always say to myself how blessed I was to have a father like him for almost 16 years of my life. I remember how he was taking care of seven children - My father, my hero, an excellent dad, he always had something worthwhile to say to his children. I took in everything he ever said, because I had so much respect for him.

  Let me tell you the two most important things I learned from my dad. Number one, love people and don’t be selfish. That's what he did. He cried with people, he laughed with people. Everybody was his friend. He could care less about your ethnicity- even though he barely speaks Yoruba language, whatever. All he cared about was you, your person.

  Number two, my father always advise us to live for God and not to get caught up in the things of this world, because they're just brief. The world will get the best of you if you let it, so we need to truly live for God.

  My dad always motivates us with those two words in his whole life. And those two things have shaped who I am today. I love people, though some people misconstrue it as too emotional but it does not matter because we are individual in nature. One thing I know is- life is short and God is real, and that I need to live for him and be strong.

  I was visiting my brothers in Lagos, Nigeria., during the school holidays in '97, two days after I arrived in Lagos my sister called and said, my dad was not feeling fine and it seem that was it – because he had an operation before he took ill. A few days later, it was on a Sunday Morning, I went on transit – like a dream but eyes wild open and I saw a man dressed in white. I knew my father had just passed away, he only came to say goodbye. I told my brother and it was so.

  At first, when I lost my father to arterial disease I felt as though I couldn't move on and it was very hard to hold my head up high. I was just 16 years old preparing for my SSCE (Senior Secondary Certificate Examination) I felt like my entire life was over with. I couldn't find the strength to move on and I walked around looking for people to pity me.

  After about two weeks, the sadness I was feeling was eating me up, I could not concentrates in school at all, so I had to drop out of secondary school and moved to Lagos to continues my secondary education.  I felt defeated once again and the sadness I was feeling turned into grieved. I started praying because I just couldn't take the pain anymore.  At the age of 17, I gave my heart to Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour because only God could heal a broken heart. Sometimes when something tragedy happen to us, we stop talking to God or hate Him, but thank God for my upbringing and the kind of life I have been exposed to. An extra-ordinary life! I have learnt never to be bitter towards God because He want me to  be a prisoner of hope. God loves me  and only Him can restores. Just because I lost my both parents does not mean my life is over! The thing is, sometimes God put us in an unstable environment to strengthen our cords and there is a power that comes out of pain, if only we can surrender all to God.

  Tragedy strikes - thrice!

  "Something terrible happened."
  Five years ago, my brother passed away. He was killed by some gangs of hire killers in Ikorodu, Lagos state Nigeria. He was just 42 years old, and many of my family members are having trouble coming to terms with this loss not only because of his age, but because it happened very quickly. Thank God those gangs were apprehended and justice was served but the deed has been done. When my beloved Yakubu died it seems as if time stands still. And silence... a quiet sadness... I often felt, not just heard, a longing for one more day... one more word... one more touch... And I may not understand why God chose to have him leave this earth so soon, or why he had to leave before I was ready to say goodbye, but little by little, l begin to remember not just that he died, but that he lived. And that his life gave me memories that are too beautiful to forget.

  I came to England on a student visa, to study in the United Kingdom for four years and when I was coming in October 2005, I remember waiting patiently for my elder brother at home because I wanted to buy my plane ticket. He gave me the money and that was the last time I saw my brother. After I arrived here in the UK we only communicated through phone, he was there for me during my hard times, and he stood by me as a father figure.

Lest I forget, if not for God and Yakubu (my late brother)I wouldn’t have had the opportunity of writing GCE or even come to do my University degrees in the UK. I remember how he used to go out every day and do odd jobs so that I can write GCSE examinations. My dear brother I will never forget you. You are my hero!

  December 2007 Christmas was the last time I spoke with my brother on the phone. We also discussed about how he was going to pay my school fees for my second year second semester. However, death snatched him away from me in the month of January 2008. I felt another blow on my face but this time people really cared for me.

  I received support from my immediate family because they knew how closed we were. My God’s parent that I was staying with as at that time in the UK were really amazing people, they did all they could, to see that I finished my University. My University lecturers and international student centre also reduced my University fees. The people at my local parish were very generous.


  It’s taking me a long time to heal and to feel whole again because I really Love my brother. I had days when I just laid in my bed and I felt so alone, and I cried. I cried so much that it felt like I didn’t have any tears left. I don’t know how many times I picked up the phone to call him and see if he will pick up my calls, and after two seconds I realized that I couldn’t. Even if you know that they are gone, it’s like your brain somehow push it away and “forgets” about it. I screamed and cried out for Yakubu and I did not think it was fair. “Why was I losing people I love so dearly? And why couldn’t I just see my brother and talk to him one more time? Why did he have to go when I needed him the most?”

  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Everyone grieves differently.  As a born-again Christian, I turn to God’s Word to find strength and comfort while I grieve. These are the example of word in the bible that has comforted me over the years…..

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Psalm 18:28 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

Revelation 21:4 “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Psalm 119:50 “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”
  One thing I am grateful and thanking God for today is that I surrounded myself with good people through the grace of God. I know that in life everything happens for a reason. I know I used to ask God why but I have passed that stage now because I have being made strong. I know the power of God is helping me through it all. I have known many blessings in my life. I have lost, but I have also gained. I have hurt, but I have also healed. I have struggled, but I have also loved. And I have been loved. I know I still have more to experience, more to change, more to grow. For all that I have been given in ever so many ways; I know that I am blessed. And I am thankful to God almighty.

  Amidst all this, God is still able; a God who created the world from nothing, healed the sick, and rained down manna. He is able to handle my situations, for he is my God.

And it almost happen again!

  In 2013, the doctor said they found something like Cancer in my blood test and I did two biopsies, one on my neck and the other on my groin. My family and friend surrounded me with prayers and we did pray like a wailing woman, however, I was not claiming being righteousness but God hears our prayers, when I was about to go back for more test, the doctor said there was no more any sign of cancer but they found something else and I thank God this ailment is treatable. I am well and grateful to God almighty. I guess we all have that moment when our bottom just go down and we sometimes don’t know how to pick ourselves up but our God is faithful!

  My brother's death and my father's death still affect me, usually when I least expect it. Like when I was walking back from shopping mall on one bank holiday. I passed a dad with two young girls walking down the road, and I just lost it. It reminded me of when Dad took me and my half-sister out for a social event. I cried the whole way home, and then sat in the parking lot crying after that.

  And there are still reminders. As I sat on the bed today at my family friend’s house reflecting through those beautiful moments I shared with my brother, I laughed and cries as the memories flooded my mind. But I realize it was one smaller step toward healing. Reminiscing about the good times can do that.

  I don't feel as invincible as I used to anymore. Losing your brother and your dad in the space of 11years will do that to you. But those things have also helped me mature. Tragedy will do that to you too. A lot of people have told me, "You know, you've already been through more than many people go through in their entire life."

  I don't know why I've been given these tremendous losses in my life.

  Still, I know God loves me. And I know he's preparing me for something, though I don't yet know what. And through it all, I know God will never give me more than I can handle.

  My father and brother handled it for several years, and now they are with God. If you are blessed enough to have your parents for more than 30 years of your lives be thankful to God for such blessing because others never meet their parent. Children in Africa die every day from hunger; other children are beaten to death by parents who just don't care. I guess I'm not so unfortunate after all because I have so many  brothers, fathers and mothers who have touched and still touching my life in so many good ways. Thanks to my wonderful sisters and I love you all.

  My experiences in life got me to see that Jesus may not be the only one to carry us during the tough times. He often sends us friends and loved ones to do that for Him. And even though I don't live at the beach but on Highstreet, there were no footprints of mine during my darkest hour because I was being carried by all of the people that love me. And I hope to return the favour to each and every one of you someday.

  Everything I went through in life till now reminded me of the "Footprints" poem that most of us know all too well.


Footprints in the Sand
      One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
             Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
                  In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
                       Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
                           other times there were one set of footprints.
                                  This bothered me because I noticed
                                that during the low periods of my life,
                             when I was suffering from
                         anguish, sorrow or defeat,
                     I could see only one set of footprints.
         So I said to the Lord,
      "You promised me Lord,
         that if I followed you,
             you would walk with me always.
                   But I have noticed that during
                          the most trying periods of my life
                                 there have only been one
                                       set of footprints in the sand.
                                           Why, when I needed you most,
                                          you have not been there for me?"
                                 The Lord replied,
                          "The times when you have
                  seen only one set of footprints,
          is when I carried you."
                                                   Mary Stevenson

 

"Life without hope is hopeless, we all need to put the old past behind us and move up to gain our balance and confidence. Sorrow, grief, pain and hurt can destroy and damage but patience can rebuild or restore. Live well, God is love and love is God"
                                            Alaba Saliu

 

Thank you so much for reading my blog and God blessed...... :)

14 comments:

  1. What a touching story but interesting for self reliance. You just have to put the past behind and forge ahead with life. Remember a good husband will bridge the gaps for you. Accept my sympathy.

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  2. Alaba, i never knew you went through all this during our growing up years at Eleyele. But in all i thank God for your life, He is your everything,(Healer,Saviour,Friend,Father and best Companion). Be strong Ore,He will not leave you nor forsake you as He has promised. Stay blessed always

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    1. Thank you Titilola for reading my story. People do go through a lot but Thank God for his mercy....

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  3. Bamidele Olukayode Osibowale.Saturday, 7 June 2014 at 10:45:00 BST

    Alaba,I am aware of nearly everything you wrote here.I am short of words.I am such an emotional person,I cried bitterly after reading this your story.You went through other pains which you didn't mention in your writeup.I admire your courage,God will see you through in Jesus name.You are always in my heart.

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    1. Aww daddy, thank you very much for testifying to my story. I am humble and blessed. This is just a snippet from the book I am writing. God bless you Sir

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  4. Thank God for ur life dear....you re alive to testify to His glory....i never knew all this happened during our secondary school days...Lord ll comfort you....i got mine too..bless you Ore

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    1. If you know I don't really talk when we were in secondary school lol, always shy lol. Thanks for reading and God bless you too

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  5. Thank God for ur life dear....you re alive to testify to His glory....i never knew all this happened during our secondary school days...Lord ll comfort you....i got mine too..bless you Ore

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    1. Thank you Ruth Olorundare, bless you too... :)

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  6. I am speechless.God is ur strength. Never knew u paased through all these.

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    1. People pass through all sorts ....... by His grace I am not consume

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